She was 18 and in love. Her boyfriend was handsome, caring and gave her lots of love in return and although much too young, they followed their hearts and married. That’s when her life changes forever. Not in the happy wedded bliss she expected, but to a world of deep despair, shattered self-esteem, bruised and swollen eyes. She wasn’t allowed to have friends, and the friends she did have fled, as they suspected what she was hiding behind her gauze-covered eyes when she pretended to have an eye infection. She spent her days at home with her 3 children, hiding from the outside world – even her parents – and feared the evenings when he would be home, especially on the nights that he came home drunk after a night out with the boys. She was tiny, much smaller and weaker than him, and anything she did “wrong” would set him off into a tantrum you can’t even imagine. He hurt her so badly that she had to be hospitalized…but she kept going back. She told herself that she loved him, and her children needed their father.
She was the victim of spousal abuse.
Good morning judges and fellow presenters. Today, I am going to speak to you about Violence Against Women. I will share with you some ways of abuse, how it affects families, and ways to deal with it. Violence against women is defined as “an act of violence that results in, or is likely to result in, psychological, physical, or sexual harm to women”. Although spousal abuse can happen reversely, it is more often the male in the relationship who abuses the woman. Gender inequality is present in many areas around the world. Both men and women receive many messages – clear and hidden – that it is natural for men to have more power than women. Unfortunately, this belief empowers many men to feel that they have a right to control women, even violently. We see this in many countries across the world, and although I am proud and privileged to be a girl living in North America, violence against women is still a very large issue here, although not as obvious as other countries.
Women experience abuse in many ways – physical, emotional or verbal, financial, spiritual and criminal harassment or stalking. Physical abuse is the most common abuse endured by women and often result in slapping, punching, choking or kicking. It can also result in threats with a weapon and in severe cases, even murder.
Emotional or verbal abuse results in threatening to kill her, the children, or other family members or pets, threatening to commit suicide, making humiliating or degrading comments about her, and using other actions to restrict her from her freedom and independence.
Financial abuse can result in stealing or controlling her money and other valuables, and forcing her to work or denying her the right to work.
Men will cause spiritual abuse when they use a woman’s religious or spiritual beliefs to manipulate and control her.
And finally, criminal harassment or stalking occurs when he follows her or watches her, and invading her privacy in a way that threatens her personal safety. All of those forms of abuse that I have just shared with you don’t even cover half of it.
Most of you know a woman who has been abused, or is being abused. Perhaps she is somebody’s mother, your friend, your family member, or maybe she works with you. You might not be aware of it happening to someone close to you because she is good at hiding it, but it happens more often than you think.
When you discover this woman’s story, your first reaction is shock and concern for her. You also wonder why on earth she has stayed with him for so long. You question how she could be allowing her children to be exposed to his actions. The answer is simple. She is staying out of fear. She stays with her abuser because she feels she needs to keep her family together. Staying, however, is never good for her, or her family. She needs to get out of her situation before it worsens.
This is how you can help. If she is in immediate danger, you should call 911, but report the abuse anonymously because you also need to remember your own safety. If she wants to talk, you should listen to her and be supportive. There are shelters that provide a safe environment for women and children to stay, you can help by locating these shelters and moving her in. Never judge her for deciding to stay in the relationship.
Remember the woman I talked about earlier? She is my grandmother. She stayed with her abuser for 4 years but finally found enough strength to leave forever on a night that she was nearly killed. She has had a long road of recovery, emotionally and mentally, but now she is stronger than ever.
To end my speech I will give you a quote from Ty Howard: “Don’t be a silent victim fooled by so-called love. Say “no more” to domestic violence.
Written and presented for the 2017 Royal Canadian Legion Public Speaking Contest, by Emma Smyth, grade 7
March 2017
November is Woman Abuse Prevention Month. The purple scarf is a symbol of the courage it takes a woman to leave her abuser. However, the courage of the woman is not enough. It takes the support of an entire community to end violence against women.
This year, Cornerstone Family Violence Prevention centre is selling soft, cozy blankets and mugs to raise funds for the “Wrapped in Courage” campagin. By purchasing Wrapped In Courage merchandise you will not only be providing financial support to Cornerstone but showing women and children in our community that you stand with them and that you support them. It’s a symbol of courage and a symbol of strength.
Over the course of one year Cornerstone provides more than 6,000 nights of shelter for women, children, and youth impacted by domestic violence. The number of women and children needing shelter is growing every year and Cornerstone relies on the support of the community to keep providing the programs and services to these individuals in our community.
